Full of Intent

I'm thinking about what my intentions should be for this blog.

Not exactly just what do I want to do on the blog.
But more, what's my point?

Honestly, for now, I think my intentions are to just say the things I've been too timid to say so far.

Recently, I had a major falling out with a very close, very old friend of mine. And when I say recently... I mean the falling out started happening three years ago, and it wasn't until recently that I managed to face up to it. So that's three years of emotional torture I held on to, three years of telling myself it was all my fault. Sounds dramatic, but this was supposed to be true love. One of those timeless friendships that include grey hair and shared grandchildren... or at the very least the first high school reunion so we could joke about the memories.

I kept trying to come to terms with it. Trying and failing. Finally after annoying everyone who cared enough to listen, I realized I really just wanted to say these things to her. So I wrote her one very honest paragraph. It felt so good I wrote another one. Next thing I knew I had a ten page paper of little bits and pieces I found I had been storing away to share with her for three full years. It turned out I had been waiting to share, and all that waiting to share kept me waiting for her. I can't even begin to tell you the power of releasing all those bits. And once I had... I felt more like me. Less like someone holding herself back just because she was afraid to share what she thought.

So yeah, here I am, hoping to share whatever I want to share, no worries.